To Create

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What am I, if I am not creating for You? Why create, if it does not in some way glorify You? For vanity? Fleeting vanity.  

We were created with the desire to create, to self express. Most people, if not every people, create for their own notoriety. How long will the attention last? How long before you look at your work and hate it? If you are bound to create, if you have the pull to create, why not create something productive that will last? Something that will point others to the Creator, to the purpose and meaning behind all existence? Is it productive to create for the soul purpose of venting? Of letting off steam? It is productive to create to heighten your pleasure? To get other people to look at you? Of what value is your creation if it hurts someone else, or causes them to stumble? The answer, ‘For my own enjoyment, edification and expression,’ is not a good enough answer. It is in fact a selfish answer.  

“Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” -Romans 14:13 & 19 

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”    -Phillipians 2:3-4 

People’s convictions are different, depending on if they are in Christ, and how mature they are in Christ (however, truth is still truth, and all Christians are held accountable to the Word of God). So if a Christian does not yet feel the conviction to point others to Christ through their instinctive creativity, all I can say is this: Think about it. At least ponder why God gave you certain interests and abilities, if not to use them for Him, and for His Kingdom? 

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Longing

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It is raining and cold outside. My love is at work, I am surrounded by the kiddos.

I’ve been eating chocolate and drinking coffee all day, and I am a bit tired and lonely.

Just a simple thought as I look out into the grey – I wish you were here.

Time to get up

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I awake. Why? I am in and out, but I am listening.

Little feet run across the floor somewhere upstairs.

A body stirs in the bed next to me.

The baby’s cry is suddenly heard from down the hall.

I open my heavy eyelids – still tired. Always still tired.

I look at the time and groan: 6:29 am.

I am on their schedule, and it is time to get up.

Date Night – Waffle House (a poem)

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I want to write a poem,

A poem of you and me.

But I’m not good with words,

as you can plainly see.

.

I’d write of where we went –

of what we ate and saw.

I’d write of what we spoke of,

if we confessed our flaws.

.

Tonight we ate waffles

at Waffle House, at nine.

Hash browns, biscuits, gravy,

& decaf coffee were mine.

The 50’s feel I loved.

Pictures, booths and jukebox.

This late night diner niche –

now all we need are jocks.

We left there to wander,

Walking ’round, hand in hand.

Finally driving home

in our grey mini van.

.

Back to our little ones.

Back to our parenthood.

But we are lovers first,

forever understood.

Today

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Dreary grays outside the window help my already tired eyes to feel heavy.

My toes are chilled, my nose is stuffed – but no complaint here. My lap is warmed by the contented presence of my youngest, his bright eyes smiling at Despicable Me’s vivacity.

Not only do I hear children’s laughter and toys clashing upstairs, but there is also the faint voice of Ben Shapiro enlightening my husband through a speaker. Baby babble and incessant curious questions come at me from the two who are always with me.

I sigh.

I can smell the candle I’ve yet to light – pumpkin spice: perfect for the end of November. And… what’s that? Someone needs a diaper change. Again. Ha

My arms are full, my heart is full.

My senses are full.

This is today.

Sweet Little Baby Boy

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You sweet little baby boy.

Sitting up on your own all the time now.

Smiling at me with a mouth full of tiny white teeth. It is so easy to make you smile!

I love to babble back and forth with you: nonsense sounds that make you laugh.

My sweet little baby boy.

Your cry is quiet and so sincere.

You are lucky to be the youngest, because your mama’s patience has grown with each baby. Now nothing you do in your innocent ignorance can anger me.

I will care for you.

My last little baby boy.

I cry a lot when I am around you. When I hold you, smiling, above my head.

When I carry you on my hip, when you smile with bright eyes.

When I nurse you. When you fall asleep in my arms.

Because I see in your sweet face all my other baby boys, and I know you are the last.

So I will hold you, and kiss your fat little cheeks.

I will smile into your perfect chocolate eyes. I will carry you.

I will not rush you. Because my heart belongs to you, and I already miss you.

Mommy is here, and Mommy loves you…

my sweet little baby boys.

Date Night – Abuelo’s

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Leaving the kids with a sitter is still somewhat new to us, but after 7 years of watching babies, we need to take a regular night out. So we do. This will be our 2nd evening out since committing to a date night.

Abuelo’s.

I have never been. You speak of how the restaurant used to sit on a slight hill, with a view of the Dallas city lights at night. The franchise has since moved, but the building is bigger. You comment on how grand the foyer is – in the previous building too.

We sit. We order. We almost have the room to ourselves. A room with a fountain in the center! I love the ambiance. I love that they had coffee on hand! Is it amusing that one of the things I most appreciated about the evening was the coffee?

We ate enchiladas; had molten chocolate and ice cream for dessert.

We are tired, and we look it, ha! But this night is for us, so gratefully we take it.

I love you and our times together, Dearest. At home and away, I love being with you. I am looking forward to the next time already.

Valdonarus

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I met you on accident.

I never saw your face.

We had a common cause.

We fought together, laughed together, grew together.

Coffee? No. Tea? No – fizz drinks. Ohio. North Carolina. Korea. Turkey.

Meow meow.

I knew you maybe a month, but you will forever be etched on my heart.

I had to say goodbye…too soon.

You were gracious, you made me cry.

“You will forever be my leader.”

Sweet, kind friends. I will never forget you. I will pray for you always. I love you.

Goodbye.

To Val1317, Edonarus, Anti66, Harrymanbac, TWD, Alexia89 and Arvil, affectionately.

AEVA: No Turning Back